Paramount comes to the rescue with Taraji P. Henson movie explaining ‘What Men Want’

You know, I want to be part of the solution and not the problem, and so I’m publicly announcing my commitment to doing a better job of amplifying men’s voices. Because, according to Paramount, we must be living in a matriarchy in which men’s inner thoughts, desires, and insights are a huge mystery. And that’s just not fair.

According to a report this week in entertainment industry publication Deadline, Paramount is remaking the 2000 Mel Gibson film What Women Want with Taraji P. Henson playing Gibson’s role. In The Before Time, when girls did not run the world, Gibson starred in this movie as Nick Marshall, an arrogant, womanizing man’s man of an ad executive who only sees women as potential sexual conquests, ego fluffers or maids. He never bothers to consider women as people with their own thoughts and lives that have nothing to do with him until a bit of magic gives him the ability to hear all those thoughts. Suddenly, Nick realizes, the world does not revolve around him, at which point he becomes a marketing genius because he just starts stealing women’s ideas.

Now Paramount is remaking this movie, and with Taraji P. Henson, who is a woman. Here’s how Deadline describes What Men Want: “The new version follows a female sports agent (Henson) who has been constantly boxed out by her male colleagues. When she gains the power to hear men’s thoughts, she is able to shift the paradigm to her advantage as she races to sign the NBA’s next superstar.”

Man, that whole witch hunt thing went QUICK!

If only we had some magic way to know what men are thinking. Apparently none of them are left to run media companies or Silicon Valley or transportation authorities or real estate empires or universities or four-star restaurant kitchens or law firms or city councils or movie studios or architecture firms or investment banks or any of that stuff.

As an ally, I gotta tell you: Men — you in danger, boys.

It’s so obvious that women are to blame. And so now that the ladies are leaving all their men at home because the workplace is jumping, jumping, I want to extend a hand and say, “I get it.”

Why can no one see that men are the real victims here? That’s why we’ve had 45 straight presidencies — by men. They have to keep running the country because it’s the only way anyone will pay attention to them.

And so to the oh-so-perceptive people running Paramount, I say, you go! Way to be generous! Because if there’s anything the world desperately needs right now, it’s a movie that tells us what men want.